Season 15: 2017-2018
These were the notations written on the whiteboard at the swimming pool this morning. So many things to count. The number of seasons, the years, the length of the pool, the repetitions, and the minutes. It made me think.
Why do we count everything?
It hit me hard.
Probably because lately I’ve been doing a lot of counting. I’m counting every day right now. I’ve been counting my last of everything at my current job. Every meeting gets harder. Every minute is bittersweet. I’m having trouble choking down the tears and staying in good spirits, while simultaneously telling everybody how awesome things are going to be without me. Telling them how excited I am for the great opportunities my leaving provides.
Yep. I’m counting. I’m also counting the impossible number of hours of work I have left to transition my job. But why? Why so much counting?
Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we always have to know how much longer…how much more….how much further? Why do we encourage each other by saying, “make it count”?
Just maybe the counting comes from our desire for control and the counting helps us govern our own little worlds because, on a grander scale, we know we live in a world in which we have no control.
And why does most of our counting feel like a countdown…. number of dollars left in the budget…. number of laps left to go ….number of days left to live? Why do we always seem to count down? Why don’t we count up?
When I count up and not down, I am never done. There is always another lap to swim, another race to run, another skill to learn, another friend to meet, another day to embrace.
But, today counting up seems out of reach. I’m still stuck here counting down… desperately wishing I didn’t have to count at all.