This is not even a fortune. And, it isn’t true. Dumbest fortune ever.

Let’s face it. We eat fortune cookies for the fortune, not the cookie. And no matter who we are–fatalist, opportunist, or rationalist– we can’t wait to open that crispy treat and see what’s in store for us.  They give us a split second giggle and a dose of hope. Except when they fail to deliver.

First, my cookie grievances.

  1. Fortune cookies should have fortunes in them. They are not called Saying Cookies or Advice Cookies. They are called Fortune Cookies.
  2. Fortunes should be, well…fortunate. Something that makes you walk away from your Kung Pao feeling Kung Powerful…or at least hopeful.

I’ve had an unfortunate string of fortunes. Let’s review some of my unfavorites.


Really? Because I didn’t need another reason to feel bad about myself.


Oh, come on! I don’t need to be lectured. It’s a fortune! Tell me I’m going to win something! Lie to me, please!


Thanks. I so needed to be reminded of this after dinner. Now I’ve got indigestion.

So, my final appeal. Fortune cookie makers everywhere: Please give us fortunes. Life is hard and Chinese food is good.  Our fortunes should be, too.


5 thoughts on “Misfortunes

  1. You will have many more bad fortune cookie messages… as well as a wonderful experience with your husband in the near future! (Is that a better message?) 🙂


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